What Being Homeless Taught Me About Life

It’s early 2009 and the world economy is in a death spiral. I’ve just returned from working as a volunteer in Africa and I have two options – move back in with my parents or try to get a job and find somewhere to stay in the city.

From that point I entered into one of the most stressful and unsettling periods of my life:  I didn’t stay in the same place for more than 6 weeks for a five month period.

Living out of suitcases and depending on the kindness of others, I experienced some real lows.

But I also learned lessons – ones which shaped me an ultimately made me the man I am today.

Sounds cliche? Maybe it is, if you haven’t lived it or had these experiences.But if you have, or you have an open mind and are willing to learn, then you will identify with the ideas I’m sharing here.

So pull up a chair, grab a coffee and I’ll share my story with you.

Maintain Human Connection at All Times

Right through that five month period, I was reliant on the kindness of others. Soon after returning to the UK, a friend of a friend offered me his house to stay in on a temporary basis. He was working overseas and was happy for me to house-sit while he was away.

When I got to his house, I couldn’t believe it – it was a mansion. The space was great except that it was difficult to keep warm (I had to pay for heating) and felt lonelier than a small apartment or rented room.

That lasted for a few weeks before I had to move out where some friends put me up in their spare room. They were an older couple I knew through my church and they cooked food for me.

After a few more weeks I couldn’t stay there any more and a friend let me sleep on his sofa for a few nights. It was soon after this I was able to move into a flat where I stayed for the next four years, got married and brought my first kid into the world.

What strikes you about this? Do you see how reliant I was on the kindness of others right the way through this stage of my life.

Without the provision from people whom I was connected with, I’d have been in real trouble.

That taught me the importance of maintaining human connection at all times. Entering into ‘Monk Mode’ might be cool if you live with your parents and don’t have to worry about being out on the street. But in the real world, it just doesn’t work.

Imagine if we were more connected with each other and less plugged into the web, our headphones or whatever distracts us from the beauty of human connection.

Rediscovering that might just save your life one day.

The Hustle Never Ends

About three weeks into my new job, the unthinkable happened. I got laid off – there was no more work. I was told this was temporary – but was it? One day stretched into two, to three and on.

I’d managed to find a cheap inkjet printer and so I took to writing a quick C.V. and printed out half a dozen copies.

Grabbing them, I jumped on a train to the city and proceeded to walk the streets, calling in every jobs office and recruiter’s offering my services. I walked until my feet ached and I’d run out of resumes.

Later that week, a kind man from my church offered me some work in his garden which I took gladly. The money was enough to see me through and I was taken back at my old job, picking up garbage and planting trees.

When tough times come – and they will – you have two choices. Do you mope and sit around, nursing a big dose of ‘Why Me?’. Or do you jump up, flick on that printer and run off a resume in the face of hardship?

Look at the photo above. Yes I lived in a damp, roach invested bedsit in England for a while back in 2004. But that’s a picture of my ‘office’. I didn’t have a desk, so my laptop was on the floor. You can see the phone cable for the dial up and my tie and sports jacket on the disgusting sofa bed.

Later, as a newly married couple, we were dirt poor. I did doorstep debt collecting, helped friends clear foreclosed houses, lay preaching at local churches – anything to keep us going.

The tough times earlier in life had prepared me for these challenges and we got through them.

The hustle never ends. Ever. If you think you’ll breeze through life, basing it on ‘half assed’ you’re mistaken.

It’s a grind.

If you’re too young to know what that is, travel. Get away from Mom and Dad, live somewhere awful for a while and hustle.

What if you’ve reached fatherhood without learning this valuable lesson: Picking yourself up off the floor is a life skill that you’ll need at some point – and so will your kids.

Who is going to teach them?

Being Homeless Was Crap – But the Life Lessons were Worth It

It was only after that period in my life that I realised how draining it was – to be constantly moving about and worried about where I was going to be living.

But the lessons – of maintaining human connection, hustling and pushing through the tough times – were important ones that shaped me and moulded me into the type of man I am now.

Which has it’s own lesson – that hardship shapes and refines. But we’re so quick to take away every type of discomfort from our kids. What is the long term effect on their resilience (Nassim Taleb would say ‘antifragility’)?

Don’t see hardship or tough times as negative. At worst they are a neutral that can easily be turned into a positive through the lessons you’ll learn.

If you’re ready to step up your Fatherhood game, my book is a great place to start. Get it here.