What do You Want for Your Daughter?

I remember my daughter being born. I wasn’t well at the time and some of the other events at the time are a blur, but her birth is crystal clear.

She wasn’t breathing at first and she was blue. Right now I’m looking at the the blue ‘Publish’ button in the WordPress window. That’s the colour of her skin as the now panicky midwife slaps her back hard.

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

Everything starts to go in slow motion. I see the midwife pull the orange alarm chord and the delivery room instantly fills with people.

They grab my daughter, who is still blue and unresponsive, and place her on a platform about 10 feet away from the bed.

‘I can see it moving,’ I say to my wife as I look over.

I’m lying.

She’s not.

‘It’s going to be fine,’ I say again, more to reassure myself than anything. An oxygen mask that seems to be as big as the blue bundle appears and is placed over the baby’s face.

No sooner have the words left my mouth that I see a little arm swing in an arc. The baby coughs and starts to cry.

‘It’s a girl!’ One of the medical staff shouts, ‘And she’s got blonde hair!’

Girls Change Everything

Talk about drama! I can smile about it now but it was pretty tense at the time. I’d wanted a daughter and we’d tried to find out the sex at an earlier scan.

She’d had other ideas and had her legs crossed throughout.

‘Girl?’ the Sonographer had written in her notes.

So I was pretty made up when a little girl appeared, apparently out of nowhere. But I wasn’t prepared for how it changed everything.

Straight away, there was pink EVERYTHING. I’ve never seen so much pink in my life. Thankfully that’s all died down a bit.

But there was a lot of pink.

Then there was the crying. So much crying. ‘She cries more than my boy did,’ I found myself thinking. I know that’s rubbish. He cried a lot when he was a baby too. It’s one of the things they do.

It was strange having another female in my life. Other than my Mum, sister and wife.

I mean, how do you relate to this one? I’m learning. Every day, I’m learning.

Now she’s growing up and I find myself thinking ‘What do I want for her when she’s older.’

If you’ve been reading this site for a while, you’ll know that I wrote a post a couple of months ago called ‘What do you want for your Son?’. It was easy. I mean I knew right away what I wanted for him: to have the opportunities I’ve had.

So is my daughter any different?

What do I Want for My Daughter?

News just in: Boys and girls are different. I know popular culture (including parenting culture) will tell you that gender is a social construct.

However that’s incorrect. There is no science that backs up that idea whatsoever. In fact, experiments have shown the opposite to be true.

But in terms of what I want for my daughter, some things are the same. Some things are different.

For example, she’ll always be my little girl. I’ll always want to protect her to a greater or lesser extent. But I also hope that, one day, I won’t need to.

I hope that she’ll have someone strong in her life who can fulfill that role for me. He’ll be someone I get on well with – although I probably won’t like him at first. I’m a bit funny like that.

I want her to be fulfilled in whatever she does – whether she’s working, studying, playing sports or raising children – I want her to know that I’m proud of her and she’s doing a good job.

It’s my job to teach her the perseverance and skills she needs to be strong when she needs to be.

I want her to be feminine – to have confidence and pride in her femininity and use it for good. I want her to value her physical appearance without being vain and to be educated without being precocious.

Daughters aren’t Sons

Duh – right? We still get on like a house on fire.

But that doesn’t mean she’ll like the things I’m into: the outdoors, keeping fit, reading and spirituality. That’s a risk I’m willing to accept.

I’d even go as far as say that I’d be happy if she doesn’t like the things I’m into. Then I’ll get to learn all about her and her interests instead of trying to create a mini-me.

I need to be careful that I don’t treat her like a pseudo-son. I want her to grow up tough, mentally strong and resilient. But not at the cost of her natural femininity.

Conclusions and the Future

I’ve had a great life so far. And I know there is more to come.

I want my daughter to grow up knowing that there are near limitless possibilities for what she can do and achieve in this world but it’s up to her to make them happen for herself.

When you live your own life in that way, the people closest to you pick up on it.

That’s why we need to lead our daughters by example: as strong, confident, positive men.

So that one day, they grow into strong, feminine, confident and positive women.