How to Eat Out Alone

I used to hate eating alone. It was the absolute worst. Nothing could be more lonely and pathetic than some guy sitting on his own in a restaurant at a table for one.

Traveling for business would drag as a result.

So instead I would buy fast food and eat it in my hotel room. It would fill me up but I still felt pathetic. And weak. No wonder I gained weight, sitting in hotel rooms, eating Big Macs while watching Freeview.

But then I moved overseas and things changed. There weren’t fast food outlets or even supermarkets. There certainly were no service stations where you could grab a sandwich. I would travel a lot and need to eat out.

It was ‘Table Service or Starve’.

So I had to eat out. Alone. I hated it.

But the more I did it, the easier it became. Until now where I actually enjoy it. Obviously it’s no replacement for a quiet dinner with my wife or a raucous one with the kids. But I’m at peace enough with myself to enjoy my own company.

Here are my top tips to not just survive the experience, but actually enjoy it.

Fear of Being Alone (FOBA) comes from a sense of insecurity

What I realise now is that I had chronic FOBA – Fear of Being Alone. I was so scared of being seen alone in public that I would rather hide in a Travel Hotel with a paper bag and a doughnut wrapper for company.

I was insecure. I didn’t want people to think that I was some lonely businessman, all alone at my restaurant table. Eating alone.

Why?

Why did I feel this way? Who cares what people think about me? Especially when they don’t know me and will never see me again. And even if they did think I was some business or sales man all alone, was that not accurate?

Yes I have family, but I still need to work. And eat. If I’d had a secure identity as a hard working man and a Dad, I wouldn’t have given a stuff what they thought of me.

There were also practical things that I sorted to improve my experience and this is now part of my routine. It turns a bearable experience into an enjoyable one.

Bring a change of clothes

This isn’t a case of being super-prepared for a messy spaghetti bolognese. If you travel for work, don’t wear your work clothes out to eat if you can help it. Pack a smart but comfortable outfit that you’ll feel good wearing.

The problem with wearing the same suit and shirt that you’ve had on for the past 15 hours, other than the smell, is that you’ll feel flat and disheveled. It’s hard to feel positive when you look like and extra from ‘Boiler Room’.

But if you’ve had a shower and changed, you’ll feel like a new man. And if you’ve been to the hotel gym or for a run, you’ll feel like a younger, new man.

Try this outfit as a comfortable ‘Hombre Solitario’:

• Fitted t-shirt or button down shirt
• Smart jeans (leave the stonewash at home)
• Boat shoes or smart trainers
• A fitted v-neck sweater

You will instantly feel better and more confident. Plus now you look like some dude out for a meal on his own. Not a sad, lonely salesman in a crushed suit.

Take a good book with you

If you’re reading this website, you’re probably into books. And you’ve probably picked up that I’m into books. I’ll read pretty much anything: Philosophy, fiction, biography, history, politics. So any chance I get, I’m going to read a book.

If you’re a Dad, you probably don’t get much time alone. But if you’re away from the family and at work, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to read.

My mindset to eating out alone changed when I realised that I could read. I could take my Kindle or whatever I was reading at the time and get stuck in.

No more staring into space while you wait for your steak to cook. No more endless studying of the cocktail menu. There’s a world of literature at your fingertips.

Another advantage of having a book is that it sends cues to the waiting staff. If you stop reading the menu and pick up Steinbeck, they know you’re ready to order. You’ll get your food a lot quicker (and look very learned in the process).

Use body language to look and feel more positive and comfortable

If you feel sulky or embarrassed, those vibes will be picked up by those around you. They’ll see the negative body language, hunched shoulders and grumpy face.

Instead adopt open, confident body language. Don’t slouch or hunch in your chair. Lifting your head up will open up your chest and shoulders. Sit up in your chair and scan the room. Look alert. Notice the other patrons. Notice your surroundings.

Look at the other patrons. Figure out:

• Who are they?
  
• Why are they here?
• What their relationship is to each other?
• Where are they going next?

Look at your surroundings. Notice:

• The decor
  
• How many waiting staff are there?
• Who’s in charge?
• How many tables are there?

Recently I was eating alone and noticed the couple opposite me. I’m pretty sure their relationship was ending in front of me. Obviously I didn’t stare but being more alert, more tuned into my surroundings made me feel better and interested.

Interact with those around you

Maybe not a good idea with people who are breaking up but interacting with waiting staff and patrons can improve your solitary dining experience. If done properly.

Don’t overdo this – you don’t want to come across as creepy.

Smile and make eye contact with the waiting staff

This is connected with body language. Smile and make eye contact with the waiting staff. They have a difficult job and you appreciate their work. Let them know. Be polite. They will smile and be polite back.

Feel free to engage in some small talk. A good line is to ask them what they recommend from the menu or  what their favourite dish is. Once in a steak house, I asked a waitress this. She told me she was vegetarian! Now that’s a talking point.

If you’re in an unfamiliar town or city, they’ll probably have good knowledge of the local area too. Don’t forget to tip, especially in a hotel. They may be the one bringing you breakfast…

Don’t ignore the other patrons either. If you catch someone’s eye, its OK to smile. Again, steer away from creepy-ville. If there are couples with small children, smile at them. If the kids interact with you, chat or wave back. All of these little experiences will add to and enrich your evening.

Maybe this all sounds like a lot of effort. That’s fine. Go ahead and enjoy your sad lonely meal in your sad lonely little world.

I’ll be in the same restaurant positively making the most of it.

 

Got any solo eating tips of your own? Do you have any funny stories from eating alone? Post them here in the comments below.