Is This the Final Curtain Call for Femininity?
Are we seeing the final curtain for feminine women? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself (and others) over the past few weeks. And I’m not sure I like the answer.
Right now feminine women seem to be under attack from multiple angles. Whether it’s through the media, culture or our education systems, time is running out for girly-girls.
Final Curtain for Feminine Women
You can tell a lot about a society by what it places value in. And feminine women are definitely out.
The 2001 film Legally Blonde went full frontal attack and established the cliche of the ‘Bimbo’ in everyone’s mind. Since we’ve been conditioned to see the feminine as something to be feared.
Or at least regretted.
Later came the movie ‘Mean Girls’ which again established and taught us that all pretty girls who care about their appearance are, sadly, the epitome of pure evil.
The best you can do is steer clear of them/play cruel jokes on them like feeding them weight gainer bars until they don’t fit in their prom dress.
You’ve probably figured out that I’ve got traditional views on femininity. Let me lay it out for you before we go any further: I believe that a feminine upbringing is the ultimate fulfillment for women and girls.
In modern western culture, femininity is under attack. It’s now seen as being gauche or ‘basic’ to be a girly-girl.
Women and girls who dress and behave in a feminine way can expect to be ridiculed by their peers. If they take care of their bodies by eating healthily and doing exercise, there’s a target on their backs.
How many women now suffer in silence in the current cultural climate – where their desire to express their femininity meets a wall of resistance and ridicule.
How many are forced to suppress their feminine traits of elegance, delicacy, tact and motherhood to keep up with a 60 hour work week, drinking with the ‘lads’ or just staying off a rabid feminist’s radar.
In the media that we consume on a daily basis, the blonde pretty girl is a dumb statue devoid of personality and guile where as booky, genderless girls are the true heroines.
Fathers are Killing Femininity
You think you’re not to blame for this crisis that women are facing? Because you probably are. You’ve been sitting, soaking in your own little world while girly-girls were at war – and you did nothing. Until now.
How can I possibly say there is a war on femininity? Am I living in some kind of parallel, conspiracy filled universe? Or am I the one seeing the world free from the filtered perspective of mainstream media and thought.
If you think I’ve dreamed up this conflict from my imagination, watch for the hate I’ll inevitably get for even considering such a dangerous idea as valuing femininity.
We live in a time when women who shake off the physical attributes of their birth gender through artificial chemical hormonal assistance and surgical procedures are lauded as paragons of virtue and strength.
And a man can win ‘Woman of the Year’.
Women who dress in woolen hats representing genitals and call themselves ‘sluts’ are activists affecting political change.
Modern Dads seek to propagate this attack on femininity by dressing their daughters up in boys clothes and giving them ‘gender neutral’ upbringings. Some are so proud of their achievements they blog about it.
The war on boys and masculinity is already lost. The war on girls is our fall back position.
Women are under attack – there’s no question about it.
Femininity and the Father’s Mission
The attack on femininity is another nail in the coffin of the traditional family unit. 3rd wave feminism and progressive’ has been chipping away at family values for years. A few of us have begun to wake up.
Men were an easy target. We were already addicted to junk food and porn – for many it was too late. But for this newer, more subtle attack on women, we have the opportunity to resist.
We can teach our girls that a desire to settle down, build a home and have children is no less valid than climbing the career ladder.
We can tell our daughters and our wives that they look beautiful and encourage them to develop their feminine traits.
We can encourage the women in our lives to aspire to physical health, beauty and attractive dress.
We can take pride in ourselves as men with powerful stores of energy and strong identity – perfect compliments to a feminine woman or girl.
As a father, you have the opportunity to affect change for the next generation. Make it count.
Neil
P.S. This post was inspired by a chapter in my new book ‘The Pillars of Modern Fatherhood’. Sign up for updates and a free pre-release copy here.
Neil, you are never afraid to call it the way you see it, and never afraid of the fallout. Respect.
Dont know if you saw it but the BBC recently ran a piece on London fashion week featuring unisex clothing brands and ‘androgynous designs that would work on anyone’. According to the article the designers are shaping the way we see gender. One of them, Julian McDonald said “Nobody cares if you look camp or gay – you know what? Now everybody’s got a mixed community of friends. It doesn’t matter.”
I only wish I could persuade him to come and talk to some of my clients. He might have learned something useful…
That said, it seems that he, and people like him really are shaping the way gender is perceived. Its a frightening thought because this guy isnt doing it for equality he’s just selling clothes.
While we’re on the subject, something else I would like to have seen would be the reaction of women in say Mosul, or what remains of Aleppo to the Women’s March in Washington. Those women enjoy a level of freedom and self expression that their sisters in other parts of the world are quite literally ready to die for but its still not enough.
Makes me wonder where it will end.
Wish I could say something more upbeat mate.
Btw, good call re the interview on TV. The fact that you were asked is a ringing endorsement for This Dad Does. Good skills!
Hi Tom, thanks for your comment. I hadn’t seen much about London Fashion Week but I found the article that you were referring to here:
What strikes me in reading this is how detached these people are from the rest of the world and the lives and struggles of ever day, hard working people. Most of whom would find this statement (from Julien MacDonland too):
But this ‘experimental’ approach has nothing to do with science and the long term effects on both society and individuals haven’t been considered. Raising genderless children is a new (but growing) phenomenon which has no basis in proven psychological theory or physiology for that matter. The risks of raising children without a gender identity has not been thought through.
It’s no surprise then that I would subscribe to a complementarian approach to male and female genders – that both are equal but complement each other in different ways.
This is something that the blogger/author Kitten Holiday (probably not her real name) has explored in a series of essays and is helpful from a woman’s perspective.
I and my normal female friends remain horrified at how badly the media portrays our lives, and how we think and feel. Most women are not good physical fighters compared to men (in fact, even in the Marine Corp most of these women weren’t that strong physically). I never feel safe walking on the street at night (so I have to stay locked in except for emergencies, like earning a living). I am eternally grateful to the vast majority of good American men who aren’t taken in by the media. They protect us, work hard to help their families and are so grateful for a little sex, and maybe some gratitude and a warm meal now and then. I am not sure why the media is as super sick as it is. I grew up in Los Angeles and New York and in hippie Berkeley, California. Many of the idiots who believed in “open marriage” committed suicide, or died young of ill health. I once worked in a movie studio and complained about how trashy the movies were and how they made women look like sluts (and I’m not the least bit religious and grew up partly on the beach in a bikini). I found the opposition I got from most of the people working at the movie studio bizarre. They hated me for trying to uphold normal values (despite the fact that I was well liked otherwise). What is wrong in this country? “Sex and the City” had nothing to do with the way I or the women I grew up with viewed life or our relationships with men. It had more in common with how gays view life. Even so called family comedy’s have nothing to do with good values. Being either male or female are specialized skill sets that are passed down from generation to generation (and if your family is dysfunctional, you need TV to teach you). Society needs both the male and the female contributions. I found it hilarious that on the day women were supposed to walk out of work (to show how valuable they were in the male work world), all they proved was how little value they had for running society, except in the necessary female roles of nursing, teaching, being a mommy, etc. Btw, I am a career woman who never married or had children.
Hi Kira, thanks for commenting and I really feel that you understand where I was going with this post so thank you for that. Hopefully, with the help of women like you, we can reclaim femininity as something to be celebrated and encouraged in our girls.